Between tantrums, teen meltdowns, and trying to stay calm in moments where you'd rather just walk away, parenting can feel like a battle you are constantly losing. Not every day is going to feel like a win, and that is okay. The truth is, you don’t have to be perfect. What matters most is showing up with consistency, compassion, and a willingness to connect. That’s the heart of Connected Parenting – an approach that prioritizes emotional attunement, empathy, and relationship-building over control. It's about responding, not reacting, and creating a sense of safety that helps kids thrive. Here are some practical, research-backed strategies from Jennifer Kolari and the Connected Parenting approach that can help you foster connection and confidence in your parenting journey:

1. Connection Before Correction

One of the biggest takeaways from the Connected Parenting podcast is to connect before you correct. When your child is melting down, it’s tempting to jump in with solutions or consequences. But kids live in the now, and they need to feel seen and soothed before they can process what’s next.

Use the CALM technique:

• Connect: Be present – get down to their level, look into their eyes, and show them you are there physically and emotionally. 

• Affect & Agenda: Match their energy and let go of your own agenda for a moment. Your facial expressions matter more than you think. Kids are very intuitive. In this moment, it is crucial to validate their feelings before you try to jump to a solution. 

• Listen: Really listen and let your child speak. Here, you can try to paraphrase what they’re saying so they know you understand and feel heard. 

• Manage & Mirror: Use a calm, steady tone. Safely mirror their emotions and work collaboratively to move forward towards a solution or situation, together. 

This isn’t about giving in. It’s about regulating emotions first so you can parent effectively. When you stay calm, your child learns how to do the same. It's about "getting" not agreeing!

2. Stop Reacting, Start Responding

It’s easy to react when you’re exhausted. But kids, especially when they’re angry, need us to respond, not match their chaos. Screaming, dramatic punishments, or lectures don’t work. They just shut down the child’s developing frontal lobe – the part of the brain responsible for planning, empathy, and self-control (which doesn’t fully develop until age 25).

Instead:

• Set clear limits with a calm tone. Limits are love!

• Be neutral – not angry, not permissive.

• Walk away if you need to collect yourself. That’s healthy modeling.

What comes out of your mouth when you're angry is rarely helpful. Your grounded presence is more powerful than any punishment.

3. The “Worst” Behavior Usually Needs the Most Love

When your child is at their worst – clingy, angry, loud, or shut down –it often means they’re feeling unlovable. That’s when they need connection most. A child’s bad behavior doesn’t mean they’re a bad kid. It usually points to deeper feelings: fear, shame, anxiety, or confusion. Stay curious, and ask yourself, What’s underneath this behavior?

Remember: Anger is often a form of pain turned outward.

4. Celebrate the Positive

Your brain is wired to notice what’s wrong; we are constantly seeking a problem. But your child needs to hear what’s going right. Try this:

• Create an accomplishment book. Write down small wins, kind moments, or funny things your child did.

• Read it back to them, and yourself – it reinforces positive behavior and strengthens connection.

Kids live up to what we reflect to them. Leading by a positive example is the key. 

Final Thoughts 

Parenting isn’t about perfection – it’s about presence. When things feel out of control, pause, breathe, and lead with empathy. Our kids see themselves through our eyes. Your connection with your child is your most powerful tool. You’re doing better than you think. It's the hardest and most beautiful job on the planet, and you’ve got this!

If you are interested in learning more, reach out to Maggie Meyer, a Certified Connected Parenting Coach, in Bethesda, MD, serving all of Montgomery County, MD. You're not alone!